May reminded me of the need to start focusing on myself as a writer again. Being Mental Health Awareness Month, May is always a good time for me to step back and examine where I am in all aspects of life. Unfortunately, my writing habits of late have been suffering, most noticeably the content and weekly schedule of Confabulari.
In regards to this blog, six months in, I don’t regret it. I tend to jump into things and fizzle out quickly (ah, the good old days when I tried to run 3 blogs on Blogspot…true story). But I don’t feel as confident as I’d hoped by now.
Many of you remember/notice I tried to keep monthly themes running, and I created my content for each month in the beginning of January. While this has helped with writer’s block on numerous occasions, I’m not entirely happy with the system. There are times when I simply don’t care about what I’ve written, when I’ve realized I don’t have much to say on the predetermined subject that I thought would be just perfect for the theme, and I’ve ignored topics on my heart, pushing them aside to make way for more structured content.
In my attempt to find the root of my dissatisfaction, I examined my posts throughout the past six months. What about them caused these feelings of doubt? Why do I feel so disconnected? Why do I hesitate every time before I click the “publish” button?
I jumped back to the second question: Why do I feel so disconnected? And the simple answer hit me: I wasn’t putting myself into what I was writing.
I have to remind myself that part of this blog is for me and me alone, and if I ignore that side all together, then no one else is going to care about what I’m writing because the passion just isn’t there.
I enjoy blogging; I enjoy creating new content and ideas; I love interacting with my little readership. I’m still trying to figure out what kind of blogger I am, however. Hopefully, Confabulari doesn’t suffer from my journey but grows stronger.